The Most Ridiculous Poker Hands in Movie History

Why can't poker be more like it is in the movies?


The World Series of Poker Main Event started this weekend. While it can be exciting and dramatic in its own right, I think I've been too spoiled by Hollywood.


In the movies, poker players look like Famke Janssen and Matt Damon. 


In real life, they look like this


But the biggest difference is the kind of hands that happen. In real life, you can win with a pair of jacks. 


In the movies, you always have an amazing hand, which is good, because you'll need it to beat out the other amazing hands that everyone else at the table is holding.


Let's take a look at The Most Ridiculous Poker Hands in Movie History.


Maverick




This has to be the most ridiculous hand ever thought up.


In five card draw poker, Maverick is up against four of a kind and a straight flush. He happens to have the makings of a royal flush, but just happens to need the iconic ace of spades to finish it off.


That alone might be enough to put it at the top of the list. But no, he decides to go all in before he even looks to see if the card he gets is the one he needs—which it is, of course.


If that would have been me, I'm almost positive I would have pulled the three of diamonds.





Rounders




I love Rounders, but it definitely has more than one ridiculous poker hand. 


It was hard to leave off the climactic final scene, where John Malkovich gives away his hand by eating an Oreo and Matt Damon utters the phrase, "I flopped a nut straight" for the first time in a film that wasn't a porno.


However, the most ridiculous hand was the one that Damon came in with halfway through and immediately read everyone's cards exactly. 


Don't get me wrong, it's an awesome scene, and the music sets the perfect tone for it all. But that would never happen.






Casino Royale


James Bond is known for getting out of sticky situations by using his charm, ingenuity, and nifty little gadgets.


In Casino Royale, what does he use to come out on top? Try five-seven suited. I could give you a bunch of reasons why that never would have happened in real life, but it's James freaking Bond. 


Real life doesn't apply to him.





The Sting


With Paul Newman going up against the cheating bad guy, he is dealt four threes while the other guy has four nines. But when the cards are laid down, Newman inexplicably has four Jacks. 


This is ridiculous because we never get to find out how Newman made the switch—they just magically appear in his hands. 


It is excusable, though, because Newman is terrific in the scene (and in the movie). The acting is almost as tasty as his Red Wine Vinaigrette

Watch the scene here



The Cincinnati Kid


In five card stud, the most you can hope for is a high pair, or three of a kind at the very most. 

In The Cincinnati Kid, Steve McQueen gets dealt an aces and 10s full house, while the guy he's up against gets dealt a straight flush.


I tried to calculate the odds of that, but my computer just put up the picture of a middle finger and turned off.


I especially like how the guy makes the claim of being the best when all he did was bet a losing hand and ended up getting lucky at the end. That's the worst thing about poker is when a guy who gets lucky brags about how good he is.





Ocean's 11

The scene where Brad Pitt teaches movie stars how to play poker is hilarious.


One keeps dealing the wrong way, one says "hit me" and ends up with three pairs, and one bets a "blue."


The best part, though, is when Topher Grace triumphantly lays down "all reds" and gets congratulated by everyone at the table.


The only thing they were missing was somebody trying to claim a small straight. That has happened to me.





Stripes

Is there anything better than an amateur poker player trying to learn the game? 


In another funny scene, John Candy kindly teaches the art of bluffing, which of course doesn't work because he sees the cards that the guy is bluffing with.


"Now, see, if you would have had four 4's you would have won. You're getting good at this, aren't you?"